After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
