she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
