This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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