Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
