Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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