You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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