i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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