and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
