i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
