WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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