How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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