erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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