You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
