Betty ford says i'm here all night
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
