I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
