Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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