1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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