i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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