also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
