Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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