Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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