Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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