But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
