Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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