I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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