I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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