I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
