It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
