Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
