I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
