Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
