Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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