I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
