"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize