Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
