It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
