I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
