are you still at the devil's house?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
