I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
