WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
