my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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