Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
