well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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