Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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