I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
