he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What a dumb baby whore.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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