Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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