I'm so fucking centered right now
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Who died my cat blue again?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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