my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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