I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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