Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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