I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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