I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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