I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
