dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
