my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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