kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
