He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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