and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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