Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
