dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize