clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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