apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
