i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize