u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
