I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
