woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
