she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
