put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
