I'm so fucking centered right now
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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