found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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