I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
