Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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