the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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