uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
