Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
